This is a completely real and vulnerable post. One I would rather not write, but yet feel compelled. And when God says to do it, I will do it. 😉
As you all know, I have talked before about my past struggles with anxiety. I have made progress by leaps and bounds in this area, but this past month I realized I have some more work to do.
I should clarify that my anxiety is not clinically diagnosed or the type that is a medical condition, which is a very serious issue. I should clarify that mine is more a consuming (and sinful) worry. It is basically concern gone awry. I actually just watched this sermon, and it described me to a tee.
I have two main areas of worry and they tend to be finances and health. Now, these are valid concerns and most certainly deserve attention when situations arise. The problem that I have, is that the valid concern turns into a consuming worry. It is healthy to have a concern about these areas, take action, and handle it. That is not the case with me.
I have been brought mt my knees these past few weeks as this consuming worry reared its ugly head once again in my life. It began with the illness that has been plaguing our home since the first week of October. Again, a valid concern. Yet, with each new symptom or child sick, I found myself unable to cope as I was consumed with worry.
One night I was literally sobbing in my room curled up in bed and said to Steve, “I feel like I am drowning.”
That is the most perfect description I could give.
This morning, I was spending time with the Lord, it came to me as clear as day.
I have always loved the story of Peter walking on water. (Matthew 14:22-33) I love the picture of him walking on water because it was only by the Lord’s will and His strength alone that he could do it. Yet, when Peter takes his eyes off of Jesus and puts them on the wind and the storm around him, he sinks.
He is drowning.
Oh, how that is a picture of me. When I look at the circumstances, whatever they are, and focus on them, I feel like I am drowning. Yet, when I focus on Jesus, I can do the unthinkable. For me, that is not to worry. Because my default is to worry. In my flesh. But when I walk in the spirit, I can walk on water, even while the storm swirls around me! So while I can recognize the storm and know that it is there, I can walk on water through it! I don’t have to drown. Worry doesn’t control me. Regardless of the circumstances, God is in control.
You see, I like God being in control but I also like the circumstances to be ideal. And the truth is, any circumstance He puts me in, He is there. Sure, they don’t always feel good. Sure they can be devastating. But God is God. Through it all.
It takes a supernatural power not to drown in the storm.
I can’t imagine going through life and not knowing Jesus. And not knowing there is so much more to this life than what we see. There is so much more than our circumstances. And no matter what, if we have God, we have it all. Without Jesus, I would have surely drowned by now.
Oh, the freedom in knowing that my circumstances don’t define me.
It doesn’t mean we don’t get upset if things are falling apart. We are human. We have emotions. But we don’t let our emotions and ourselves get in the way of what God is doing.
We sometimes go through big storms. But when we focus on Jesus and His power, we can truly get through anything. The Bible says we WILL have trouble in this world, but take heart…HE HAS OVERCOME THIS WORLD!
I need to surround myself with these truths moment by moment. It is far too easy for me to drown.
How about you? How do you handle the worries of this world? Join me, as I seek Jesus first in all things. It is the only way to live.