I have been much quieter here and over at my other site, Bible Based Homeschooling lately. Life has got the best of me, I guess. There were the usual things this time of year grabbing for my attention- Christmas preparations, getting homeschool in so we can take a week off, family stuff, relaunching my book, etc. And then there has been this looming health issue I have been dealing with.
I had kept quiet about it mostly in the beginning. I was trying to practice the whole, why worry unless there is something to worry about attitude. It started with routine bloodwork that came back a bit abnormal. Wait and retest and see what happens…figuring the numbers would improve and that little test would just be forgotten about. Well, three subsequent tests after were still off. Not enough for major concern, but each time my doctor was still not satisfied to leave it as is.
Two months of watching and waiting culminated yesterday with a hematology appointment at the local cancer center. It was a surreal day. A terrifying day at times. And a day that the Lord used to once again refocus my attention on Him.
In the end, it seems that I most likely do not have anything sinister (Praise the Lord!), but they are checking on a few things.
In the end, it doesn’t matter. Because God is good no matter what the test result says. I looked around at all the patients sitting amongst me in the waiting room yesterday, and know that God is still good. People suffer all over the world, with illness, loss, hardship…and God is still good.
He is refining me so much lately.
2106 took too many loved ones in my life, too soon, and too tragically.
And God is still good.
People don’t understand how we can say that… that God is still good.
I have no problem praising Him when the blood tests come back normal…so why would I think He has changed when they are abnormal?
God is good. All the time. He can’t be anything else.
The world is broken and fallen and full of suffering. But God is going to make all things new one day. My job right now is to live in this broken, fallen, painful world and endure, knowing that it is all part of His greater plan. Live with both feet here on this ground, but my eyes fixed heavenward on Him.
If I knew I had ten years left, twenty, or 10 minutes, what would I change? The truth is, I should live every single second like I have none left, because truth is, we don’t know what each moment brings…and I don’t want to waste one single breath not living for Him. Being in a situation like I was yesterday, where I was faced with the reality of death returned my gaze to Him. The details of this life quickly faded as I was faced with the truth that my earthly life will end someday- whether it is from cancer or otherwise…there is no getting around it.
How on earth people walk through this life without knowledge and security of a future with the Lord is beyond me. What a gift to know without a shadow of a doubt Who holds my future.
So I walk each day, letting go of my grasp on this life a little more all the time, and clinging oh so tightly to Him. Because He is the only thing that is secure.
In the end, we all face death. We can try and pretend it won’t happen, but all of us will face it someday. But the wonderful news is, for the Christian who believes, death is just the beginning of life with Him. This world doesn’t even compare to eternal glory. If you are afraid of death, then face it! Prepare for the future! Seek JESUS! He is the answer to all of our fears.
I have a long way to go in this, but He has worked so much on me in this area. To truly have faith in His promises and His future for me. To not fear. To walk the walk and not just talk the talk. I still have so much work to do, but there has been progress and I am grateful.
As we approach the new year, I am praying about direction and plans for my family and of course my ministry here. I am determined more than ever to live a simple life that is purposeful and meaningful, filled with the things that truly matter. It is all God’s and I am excited to see where He leads next. And I know that many are the plans of man, but it is the Lord that determines the steps.
Lead me Lord. Lead me in 2017. In everything, lead me.
For other posts in my new series click here—>SPRING CLEANING SERIES