This is an updated post of a post I wrote a few years ago.
I was a new mom with five-month-old baby when the phone rang.
“A plane crashed into the World Trade Center.” It was my husband.
“What! You used to work there!!” Those were my first words, remembering the lay off that kept my husband out of NYC and the train stop in the WTC where he would have been.
I ran to the TV and was shocked at what I saw. The towers burning (both had been hit at this time.) In the frenzy of news reports and my shock, I heard the news reporter say, “It looks like terrorism.” My heart sank. My knees gave way. I was in complete and full blown panic.
We were living just miles from NYC at the time, in the town I grew up in. The New York skyline was a part of our daily life.
And now it was forever changed.
As was I.
As were many.
Terrorism. The word shook me with an inexplicable fear. For some reason as I child, I had always feared terrorism. I don’t know how it began or when it began, but I know around the age of middle school it was a fear that kept me up at night. We lived so close to two airports, and loud planes roaring overhead were a normal part of our day. I remember lying in bed a night and sometimes when those planes flew over real loud, I would panic and look out the window. I don’t know what I was looking for, I just know they always scared me. I was afraid a plane was going to drop bombs on us, I guess.
My fears were baseless though because, at that point in time, there had never been terrorism in the US.
That morning became a frenzied morning of me trying to get to my mother’s workplace with my infant in tow. Driving along the highway, seeing the towers burning, it felt like a movie. Seeing the fighter planes roar overhead, my childhood fears were being played out right before me.
All my life I had always wanted to be a mom. And here I was living my dream for only five months. I begged God not to take it all away so fast. I was terrified something would happen to us.
My life has changed so much since those days. Much of my childhood irrational fears have been replaced by faith. My understanding of the sovereignty of God in this world is now real. I know that He works all things for good.
Yet this was the closest I have ever come to evil, and it is hard to see how that can be worked for good.
Yet it is.
He is sovereign.
He has worked immeasurably more than I could ever have imagined in the past 11 years. That five-month-old baby is now a sixth grader. Three more children followed her.
Yet, God could have answered differently. He could have taken me then. Or my family. Yet, He didn’t. He has given me this life to live.
I sometimes need to remind myself just how precious life is and that it can be over in the blink of an eye. That is what propels me to truly live for Him. To walk the walk. So that I know I have lived every second here, for Him.
To simplify all things that just don’t matter.
To make sure I use the precious time I am given on things that matter, and not waste any moments.
To keep my eyes on Him, and not this world.
Looking back on the past fifteen years, I am so grateful. So grateful that He has blessed me in so many ways.
I grieve for those who lost loved ones. For those whose lives were never the same after that day. I pray for all those who were left to survive the tragedy- that they would know Christ somehow, someway through the tragedy. That He would work all things for good in their lives.
I pray that in tragedy people would turn to Him and know Him.
Believe in Him.
He is all that we truly have. He is all that we can truly rely on in each moment.
If you do not know the Lord or have a personal relationship with Him, I beg you to take that step of faith. Give your life to Him. If you would like to understand more about this, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I would love to talk to you!
So never forget. Let today be a reminder more and more of just what we really need.
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