It’s May. The month I have loved for so many reasons. I got married in May. It’s the beginning of truly warm weather. We can plant the garden officially. The birds are busy. The flowers are blooming. The days become longer. I love the early mornings.
And for the past 13 years, May has always been a time where the school year is ending and the anticipation of summer is upon us. I have always loved this time and the longer days have signified the beginning of the season I love- summer.
Last week, I opened my eyes one particularly warmer morning with the windows opened and the birds singing early before the full sun was even up. I basked in the glory of knowing that summer will be here soon enough. There is a light at the end of the dark winter, and I rested in the fact that May would be upon us in just a few days.
And then it hit me, not real hard…but like that little pinch you get as a child when your parent is reminding you to pay attention or to refocus…a little reminder…
This May is different. Instead of the usual celebratory feeling that the end of a school year is in sight as we break for summer before beginning the next one- this time things are changing.
My oldest is graduating, so May means not a temporary break in school but a true ending. An end to this chapter in our lives.
This ending is about so much more than just school ending. It has been a faith journey. One I can hardly describe in words. If you all know the story of how we began homeschooling, you’re right there then understanding why this is such a significant time in our lives. A true milestone. And a true testimony of Gods work in our lives.
May. It’s here. Soon she will be having her very last day at our fine arts program that she has been a part of for 13 school years. Then her last concert. her last dance recital. Then the prom. And then…May will turn to June and she will graduate. It’s coming. Faster than I’d like yet in perfect timing. God’s timing.
Even with the bittersweet moments, God is so good to give me moments of such confidence and such peace in His plan. As much as I can hardly think of her not being here in the fall every day, as she goes off to college…I have a very deep sense of peace knowing she is going to be where God has led her. I mean, I wouldn’t want her any way where else but in His will.
It’s a funny thing to have deep sorrow for the things that will no longer be, coupled with the high anticipation of what is to come, and quite frankly the anticipation far outweighs the sorrow. You can’t live in the past and the past is what prepares us for a future. We are never meant to stay mourning the past but eventually to look fondly on the memories knowing life marches on. And I am walking in that steadfastly.
So here we go…it’s May. It is different this year, but exactly where God has us at this time. He is a good Father and I am comforted to know He is in control.